Today was the 2016 Resolution Run. A 4 mile run around Reeds Lake in the windy cold. Now last year I was recovering from a serious bout of the flu and developed bronchitis. So feeling on point today was already one up. However, I decided that I would mainly walk this event and use it to reflect on the past year. So reflecting I did.
2016 was the first year I “multisported”. Two sprint triathlons, a sprint duathlon and an Olympic duathlon. And I am amazed that I started and finished all of those events. And oddly enough it was the Come Clean Duathlon in Lansing that was my favorite and most memorable. I came in dead last. Not even close to the person ahead of me. But it was all the people who competed who cheered me as I ran across the finish line. Who were there and stayed and congratulated me. Who clapped and smiled and recognized me as I was awarded for my persistence and perseverance during the race.
2016 was the year that I upped the ante on my race distance. I was never going to run farther than a 5k. I was told by many that I was wrong. I told them that it was just totally out of the question. And I held off for a bit. And it was when I became a Road Warrior that I decided to try a 10k at the Fifth Third Riverbank Run. And there it was. twice that distance. And it sucked. I am totally not going to lie. Once I hit three miles and began to wonder what it was hat I was thinking. But I finished it.
2016 also brought me to the one phrase I was absolutely never going to try out. “Half-Marathon”. I mean, what the hell, right. So, I was signed up, no turning back. Unfortunately I was learning that my calves were not in agreement with my decision around mile 6-7 and would cramp. And they did so during the race as well. I ended up having to walk 7 miles to the finish. I did run across the finish, in pain, with running friends that are always there. And they even stayed with me as both legs seized up and made it difficult for me to walk.
2016 brought me to places other than my running as well. It brought me to the realization that I really do love to write. Not just blog, but write. Poetry, stories. Writing that tells readers of my life. My feelings. My faults. Writing helped me to realize that I got a lot to say. And sometimes words come out better on paper than they do out of my mouth. And they told a lot. Some of what was told was a surprise to some. Some got scared. Many asked questions. And some of those people were myself included. I admitted a lot of things. To cutting when I was in pain. To testing my medication and deciding not to take it. To screaming at the top of my lungs when things got hard. To telling people that for a very long time I had a life plan that was my end. And it was all perfected and planned to every possible outcome.
And most recently 2016 has helped me to realize that I love and care for those around me. I want to help them in their dire times of need. I want to get them to places they cannot get themselves. And I want this because I could not do this for those I loved long ago. But I can help and rescue myself. And in order to go any farther in this life of mine I am going to need rescue me.
You see, while it may not all seem like a lot to you, 2016 was the world to me. The changes that came were……..life changing. But they will only have worth if I continue the path. And while I am frustrated daily with the depression and anxiety I have, I would not change any of it. I will continue to talk about my depression, women’s issues, body positivity and positive support. I will always embrace and love those around me who have shown me that I am capable of so much more than I try to tell myself. I will continue to move up and on, daily, without an end in sight. Because for me…….there is no end!
Keep running! Happy New Year!