A Beautiful Disaster

You are my nemesis
My hatred
The soul crushing end
With you in my life I am saddened
You make me feel lessened
You broke me to the point of catastrophe
Yet bring me back to the point of bliss
You make me believe I am worthy
Before letting me know I am worthless
You use me for when you need to feel better
Because bringing me down simply builds you up

But I will not release you totally
I will allow you to do these things when needed
I know you need to make yourself known
I realize you need to feel good about what you do
You are forever a part of me
I will not completely shut you out

But let’s get something straight
I am now calling the shots
You will get your feels when I say so
It may be by accident that I let things slip through
But it will happen
For you
So take what I give you and run
Get the most out of it because who knows how long it will last
But it is when I say

For years I allowed you to rule me
For years I allowed you to mold me
You had to see this coming
You had to know I would stand up
But I will not dismiss you
Because I am me because of you

✰ ☆ ★ Beautifully broken and tattered ✰ ☆ ★

There is a weird pleasure in loving someone who doesn’t love you
But sometimes the most beautiful people are those that are beautifully broken
But one thing I have learned from all of this
The one thing that you never expected from me
I have learned that I must learn to love myself first
You tried to keep me just low enough to not realize this
But know that I am forever working on it
I will find the appropriate end
But I will not let you go no matter how much you beg
Because without you I would have never been me

Know this
I am not beautiful like you
I am beautiful like me
Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places
Because I am imperfect, permanently
I am inevitably flawed

I am a beautiful disaster.

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